We have four Oscars to award. We shall award these in between other notable performances that deserve a mention in despatches.
Let’s start with the First Oscar for wholehearted commitment and determination to try and salvage the show by being very good in their fields: Tim and Paul.
Next citation as there is no award for this one is to record the best gossiping and gratuitous fawning over Mr Darcy: Jan, Marilyn and Romy.
Citation for the best comebacks: Sindy and Chris
Citation for a wet blanket performance goes to Dave Foster.
Citation for the best performance for the least rehearsals attended: Graham Hazell
Now we have another Oscar. The Steventon Players award for the sexiest and enthusiastic singer goes to Mr Darcy – Phil Cheesman.
The Citation for best Dead pan delivery and timing : Linda
Now I am not sure if I have told you this – stop me if I have – but the citation for best Rambling bore is Linton. He cannot be with us tonight as he is attending the hotly contested Hampshire Rambling bore competition otherwise known as the Test Valley Golf Club Annual dinner.
Our next Oscar is awarded to the best self-taught choreography and testical obsessed performance from Jeremy Stephenson.
The next citation for learning the most lines and inability to pronounce condescension we have a special Condensation award which goes to Dot.
The Northern Rock and Alliance and Leicester citation for Dance, song and hosting umpteen balls and offering a “fond” welcome at these events – goes to Mr Bingley – Mike
For the 85th year running the citation for best Village Idiots go to Jeff and Mike.
Citation for best Choreography goes to Whatsername.
The citation for I’ll come to a performance when I am ready and it suits me thank you very much– Mr Denny aka George Stephenson
The Victoria Wood Citation for Housekeeping- Lisa
The citation for singing and raising the artistic merit of the show whenever they appeared: Valerie, John, Alan, Katerina, Jackie O, Jackie W and Carla.
The Bernard Cribbens Jackanory citation goes to Narrator extraordinare Ghost Georgie Balmain.
The citation for proving that 36 hours can fit into 24 Rachel Cheesman.
The Beauty and the Beast citation goes to Martha “Horses Head” Cheesman.
For demonstrating determination beyond the call of duty Tony Fabian and the Bennet sisters.
Next citation was sent to Marilyn with the very specific title for the most compelling characterization – a first for the Steventon Players- and that is Phillip Sykes
And finally our last Oscar awarded by the Steventon Players themselves. This year is unanimous.
This actor and to be fair in Steventon we do not have many that can fit that description, stepped into the breach when Lynsey decided to move to Suffolk in a desperate attempt to avoid performing, this performer was simply outstanding and got better and better every night. The Steventon Players Player is Shona.
NOTE: An additional Oscar was awarded to Charlie without who’s script the whole ‘pantomime’ would not have been possible and his unique acting and characterisation skills.